How to Deal when You’re Missing the Deceased
Losing someone isn’t hard. It’s devastating. There’s a void inside us that we feel will never be filled again. We become lonely, helpless and at times, guilty. We blame ourselves for the loss of a dearly beloved, which can be very paralyzing.
People deal with death differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to help ease the pain or make it go away. As months, weeks, years go by, we find ways to cope with death but as it happens, there are times when we miss them a lot. What do you do when you yearn for the presence of the deceased?
Below are some ways to cope each time you miss the deceased. Remember, dealing differs from one person to the next. You don’t have to do each step by step.
Let yourself miss the person
The more you block the feeling, the more you exhaust yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. When you find yourself missing that person, let it be. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable and recall those days you wished the deceased were still alive. The more in touch you are with how you feel and think, the more you are able to move through grief.
Don’t suppress the sadness you feel. It’s only when you acknowledge yourself of the hurt that you will heal.
Talk to a common friend
When you miss a departed loved one, it helps to reach out to a common friend. From here, you can share anecdotes about the deceased, recall the brightest memories and get each other through the pain together.
It’s difficult to see beauty in death. However, the person who passed away has a way of reconnecting the living and strengthening relationships again. The departed leaves a piece of him/her behind in all the people s/he knew.
Let your friends be there for you
Sometime when dealing with death, we shut ourselves out and away from everyone else. Most of us put ourselves in isolation. It is with good reason that we end up doing this. However, it is also healthy to allow let people in afterwards. Allow them to keep you company during these trying times.
Remember, these people want the best for you. They hope for nothing more than for you to come out of this in one piece.
Distract yourself
When you feel like locking yourself up in the room, don’t. There are different ways you can keep your mind pre-occupied and to not let the paralyzing feeling to sink in. You could spend time with your friends in public places. You could also take up a new hobby or enjoy the great outdoors.
One of the most effective many have sworn to is to be physically active. Whether it’s biking, playing tennis or swimming, keeping yourself engaged will help alleviate the pain. Plus, it’s also highly beneficial for your health, which could fail if you let the depression fully consume you.
Go somewhere you’ve never been before
This could be particularly challenging, as we mostly wish we could try something new with our dearly departed. However, give yourself the chance to discover new things, be somewhere you’ve never been before. Not only will this keep you distracted. It will also open your sense to many more ways to find joy and light in life.
Remember that trip you’ve been meaning to make? Now’s the time to finally do it. Just think of all the places you’ve yet to enjoy. Think of the people you may meet that could brighten your day.
Adjust to the new environment
Missing the person makes even harder to move on. Little by little, let yourself discover different means to become accustomed to this new reality. Adjust to your environment gradually. If your departed husband used to drive your kids home, you could either learn how to drive and fill in his shoes or find other ways to make it happen. If you feel lonely in the house, perhaps getting a pet will help soothe the pain.
Understand that these things will take a lot of time. Helping yourself and making a commitment to adjusting will get you there.
Reinvest energy on new/other relationships
This is probably one of the most important yet difficult things of all. Most of us will feel we are betraying the deceased and becoming disloyal to them once we start withdrawing from the emotional pull of disabling grief. However, when you do, remember you are not forgetting the person. You are trying to reach a point where you can recall the departed without feeling paralyzed.
Others who have lost their spouses renew their energy by involving themselves in volunteer ministries. Some re-invest their energy on their grandkids while a few more try and find a new relationship to build and nurture.
Missing someone who passed away is never an easy feat. If you find yourself stuck in a corner, then go back to this guide and know that you will get through this.
