How to Diffuse Tense Situations in Funerals

A funeral is already an emotionally tough situation right from the start. This scenario is totally understandable because it is very painful to lose a loved one. Most people believe that memorial and funeral services are solemn affairs with people shedding a tear or two. However, many funeral directors digress and share that gut-wrenching cries, bloody screams, and even fights have erupted in front of the coffin with people throwing vases of funeral flowers at each other. These dastardly deeds push the intensity level from tense to almost toxic. 

The Harsh Reality

Funerals are open occasions where everyone who once knew the deceased could come and bid their final farewell. If there are feuds, betrayals, estrangements, or other stressors within the family, or there are disgruntled business partners and ex-lovers, then you may have to face them all as well. You could ban these people from attending, but it doesn’t mean they will heed your warning, especially since respect is not at the forefront of their vocabulary.

The reality is people get angry, and this tends to escalate into a huge drama. It is even more terrible when it happens at a funeral. How do you diffuse a tense situation like this when a funeral guest has come to be vindictive? It is very challenging to maintain your cool when someone is prattling off nonsense. It is very tempting to fight anger with more anger. Here’s what you can do when someone comes to create drama at a funeral.

Take a Deep Breath To Keep Your Cool

When someone comes to confront you or cause a scene at the funeral of your loved one for whatever reason, take a deep breath and remain calm. Doing this shall be difficult, but you must persevere and be the bigger person. In a somber occasion like a funeral, you may have to swallow some bit of pride, turn your other cheek, and do your best not to engage with the destructive person who has come with the evil intention of making a scene.

Do Not Give Into The Negative Emotions

Now is the time to remember that a funeral is to honor the deceased. It is not about you, but it is about the person who is lying peacefully within the casket. You shouldn’t create mayhem out of respect to your dearly departed loved one no matter how hard someone tries to trigger you. Be the mature one and learn to save your wrath for later at a better and more appropriate venue. Holding back is not a sign of weakness, but it even exemplifies your strength because you have the courage to control yourself and keep your emotions in check. You are putting your deceased loved one’s peace ahead of your desire to retaliate.

Reply in a Polite Tone

Politely reply in a clipped tone that this is not the place for this kind of conversation. Tell this persona non-grata to respect the dead. No matter how hard someone tries to provoke you, do not resort to screaming and theatrics. There is only one crazy person in the funeral hall, and it certainly will not be you. Directly address the annoying guest and tell this person to step outside. Chances are well-meaning guests will pull this errant person away and throw him or her out of the funeral hall.

Remind About Proper Decorum

There are some instances when a guest is particularly loud and drawing attention to himself or herself with constant crying and screaming. This person just makes everyone uncomfortable with overly dramatic behavior. It would be best if you nipped this in the bud by going to the person and gently reminding this nuisance to know their place and to grieve with the proper etiquette. People can be sad in a dignified manner. Remind this individual that they do not want to cause the deceased unrest because of this uncouth behavior.

Have Faith in Humanity

When bad things happen at a funeral because some people dare to cause a scene, you will be amazed at how all the other visitors step-up to diffuse the situation. You may even not have to do anything at all because your beloved family members and close friends will do it for you. Many caring people want to shield you from additional pain. This is actually not surprising because these funeral guests are all there to show support to you and your bereaved family. They all understand that the last thing you need is more drama.

Bottom Line

Although funerals are tough, your inner strength and your unconditional love for the deceased will help you sail through all the proceedings. It is perfectly okay to cry and express your broad range of emotions as it is a part of the healing process. All the guests understand and empathize with you because losing a loved one is universal. All human beings will experience the pain of loss at least once in their lifetime.